The Cuts That Pierce Your Skin
by AmbrosiaJade
Summary: Rated for attempted suicide and language. SoraxRiku, don't like, don't read. Riku doesn't think that Sora cares for him anymore. He believes that Sora loves Kairi and it tears him up inside.
1. Default Chapter

Okie depressing fanfic. Kingdom Hearts one. Hope you like it. SoraxRiku. Don't like, don't read. Rated for attempted suicide and language.

The Cuts That Pierce Your Skin

You never realized how much I cared for you did you? It was always her. She was the only one you ever cared about and we've been best friends our entire lives. But no...all you can do, is think about her. You never notice me anymore. Even when I'm down, you may ask me, but its only once. You never ask me if I'm ok a minute or two later. You run off...to go see her.

_ flashback_

Sitting on the paopu tree, the silver haired boy sat all alone, a forlorn and depressed look upon his face. He heard the creaks of feet on the wood behind him. He felt the brown haired boy sit beside him on the tree. But he just sat there. Waiting for him to talk.

"Hey Riku, are you ok?" Only then did Riku turn to face his friend, a little smirk on his face. However, if Sora would have payed more attention, he would have realized that this smirk was unlike the others. This one was fake.

"Yeah, I'm ok. I'm just thinking."

Sora smiled in that innocent way and nodded, seemingly happy with that response. Riku turned, once again, to the sunset, hoping that Sora would break the silence, like he used to. They only sat in quietness, until Sora stood up.

"I'm going to go now, Riku. Bye!" With that said, he turned around and ran over the bridge and down the stairs. 'Off to go see 'her' again' Riku thought sullenly, the depressing mood coming back and ripping at his insides until he let a tear course its way down his perfectly shaped cheek.

He was left all alone again, and he knew that he had lost all of his hope, as another tear ran down his cheek.

_ end flashback_

Riku lay on his bed with his arms behind his head, the loud metallic music bursting in his ears. His door was locked and more than once had his mother come to the door, asking him if he was ok. Riku snorted. 'She'd be the only god damn person on this whole fucking island that would give a fuck if I died. But, she'd get over it. Everyone gets over death.'

Riku glared at the ceiling. He didn't know why but for some reason, he was very pissed. He'd been in his room for three days now. He hadn't eaten anything but he wasn't hungry. For some strange reason, he wasn't hungry anymore. Or tired. Or Much of anything really.

Guessing it would be good if he left the house, Riku stood up, and pulled on a black long sleeved shirt and some blue jeans. As he finished getting ready, he glanced in the mirror and winced at himself. He looked a mess. His eyes were red and puffy and they had dark circles underneath them, contrasting wildly with his pale skin and sea green eyes. He realized that he looked skinnier as well.

Sighing to himself, he unlocked his door and walked out and as he walked into the living room, he spotted his mother, cooking dinner. He did feel a little guilty for her because she was worried about him, but that guilt soon went away. Guilt was a useless emotion, after all.

"Mom, I'm going out." His voice sounded weird, even to his own ears but he paid it no mind. As his mother turned around abruptly, his eyes widened as he saw tear tracks on her pretty face. Before he knew what was happening, he was enveloped into a hug that nearly cracked his ribs. She was sobbing on his chest. His arms wrapped around her tightly but his eyes were still wide, wondering why she was crying so hysterically.

As she got herself under control, she pulled away and stared at his face. His eyes, especially. The piercing gaze made Riku turn his head to the side slightly, avoiding his mother's stare. She stopped after a few seconds and pulled Riku into the dining room, setting him down at his seat. He tried to protest but she glared at him and he shut up. When she placed food in front of him, his stomach gave a lurch but he ignored it and proceeded to eat, his throat constricting around it, nearly making him choke. He sighed in relief as he finally, after seemingly hours, finished his food. His mother had been done with hers and watched out of the corner of her eye the reactions to the food as he ate it. She was worried about him going without food for this amount of time and it looks like her worrying paid off. As Riku stood up from the table, he headed for the door, thanked his mother, and walked outside, leaving his mother shocked and seated at the table.

The dark of the night was slowly descending over the island, covering it in a blanket of black. Riku plodded to the place he loved the most. The Paopu Island. When he finally got there, he sat on the bent tree, shivering slightly in the cold. He stared ahead at the blank vastness of water, hoping that, if he fell, he would be swallowed and he would drown. 'Fat chance.' he mumbled in his brain. As he heard the creaking of wood from the bridge, he tensed up, wondering who it was and why they were out here at this time of night. He continued his stare up, looking at the moon, and hoping the person would take the hint and leave.

"Riku...you haven't been out here for days...have you been alright?"

Riku glared at the moon as the brunet sat beside him, obviously not noticing the reaction that he was causing. Sora turned to him, and his breath caught in his throat. Riku, even under the circumstances, looked beautiful. You could barely see the dark circles under his eyes and for that, Sora was glad. But, Sora also noticed the angry expression on Riku's face. He wondered why he was angry.

"Riku, what's wrong? You haven't talked to me in days."

When the silver headed boy didn't answer, Sora touched his shoulder slightly.

"Don't...Don't touch me." he hissed, violently jerking away from his friend, and making his blue eyes widen in shock, fear and confusion.

"Riku, what's the matter? What's your problem?" Sora's voice was hard and displeased but all that faded as the green eyed boy whipped his head around, his silver locks flying around his head, then settling after the action. Only then didn't he notice 'how' dark the circles were. The glare was settled upon him now, and he gulped nervously, wondering why his friend was acting this way.

"Don't ask me that. Don't touch me. Don't talk to me. Don't do anything. Just leave me the hell alone." Saying that, Riku jumped up and dodged his friend, running across the bridge, down the stairs and across the beach. He heard Sora's yells but didn't listen. He heard Sora's feet scraping against the sand a few meters behind him. He heard Sora streaming out curses but he didn't care. He ran and that's all he wanted to do. He wanted to get away from Sora as quickly as possible but he doubted that it should be so easy. As always, he was right. Every corner he turned, Sora was right behind him. Every tree he managed to dodge, Sora somehow dodged as well. Without realizing it, he had run to the secret cave. As he ran in and slowed to a stop, Sora did the same.

Riku sat in the darkest corner, huddling up and breathing hard. He felt as if he were going to pass out. All those days without food and proper rest had drained him. And now he was regretting it. He heard Sora's labored breathing come closer and once again he tensed up, knowing he couldn't get out of this one. Sora's ragged breaths soon ceased, but Riku's still lingered. He felt so weak and so hurt, he just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry himself to sleep, but he knew he couldn't do that. Not with Sora there.

The said boy kneeled down in front of Riku's huddled form and looked down at him with sympathy. Riku was once so strong but now, he looked as if he had lost it all. His shine, his pride, his smirks, his teases, everything that was him. Sora leaned closer and wrapped his arms around his friends figure, not knowing what would happen, but right now, he didn't care. He wanted Riku back. He wanted 'his' Riku back.

Surprisingly, Riku stayed like that, not resisting nor accepting Sora's embrace. Sora sighed in relief as Riku's breath returned to normal. He didn't like seeing Riku like that. It unnerved him. As Riku started to pull away, Sora tightened his hold on the silver haired teen. He wasn't going to let him get away now. Whatever it took, he was going to find out what the problem with Riku was.

"Sora...Let me go."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

Riku sighed in defeat. "There's nothing wrong." He mumbled. He knew Sora wouldn't be satisfied with that answer but it was worth a try. He just wanted to go home, go to sleep and die. Was that so hard to do?

"Then why did you run from me?"

"I didn't want to talk."

"Why? We used to be so close? What happened that made us tear apart, Riku? When did this happen?"

Riku violently pulled away from Sora, causing Sora to fall backwards onto his butt, hard. The green eyed teen glared at him as if he'd asked the most stupid questions in all the world. Sora glared back.

"You don't know, do you? You never pay attention, _Sora_! Maybe if you would have opened your pretty blue eyes you would have seen, but you didn't, did you? You keep your eyes on Kairi. That's all your world is about now." Riku paused to harden his glare. "Why are you wasting your time talking to me when you could be off at her house, fucking her senseless?"

As Riku stood up to leave, a hand reached up and violently pulled him back down to where he fell ungracefully onto his behind with a surprised yelp of disapproval. He winced slightly in pain as his bottom hit the rocky ground heavily. His glare returned but soon faded away as Sora grabbed his chin with a forceful hand and a glare of his own that rivaled Riku's. It wasn't the glare that made him back down. It was the ferocity of his eyes. The dark churning azure color to them. And the hand that had his face in a rough hold. His face was brought only centimeters from the brown headed boy's.

"What the hell are you talking about, Riku?! I'm not wasting my time here because its obvious you need help! And what the hell are you talking about, me and Kairi?! I don't like her that way! And you should know that! Maybe if _you_ opened _your_ eyes you could see that, but your so stuck up your own ass, you can't see!"

Riku's eyes narrowed into slits so that you could barely see the color of them. They looked almost like the sea, right before a terrible storm. "Fuck you!! What the hell do you know?! You don't know what I think! You don't know anything! Just leave me the hell alone, Sora!!" Riku shoved Sora back and stood up, stomping towards the entrance to the cave and when a hand grabbed his sleeve, he whipped around, and slapped Sora across the face, leaving a dark red hand print streaked over the slightly tan skin. At first, everything was quiet, just like a graveyard. You probably could even hear a pin drop. But Riku's glare didn't soften as Sora's eyes widened and filled with tears. He just turned around and ran away. Sora could only stare after him, dumbfounded, that his best friend had slapped him. He was also partially shocked at the words that Riku yelled at him. The brown headed teen knew that he went too far. Riku needed help and then he turned around and started yelling at him.

Sora went back deeper into the cave and sat down in the spot that Riku had, before he finally allowed himself to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, here's the second chapter. I hope you like it!

The Cuts That Pierce Your Skin

Tears blurred his vision as he ran from his friend. He shouldn't have done any of that. The yelling, the cursing, the insults...the 'slap'. Oh God, the slap! He ran into his house and darted up the stairs to his bedroom, where he locked it securely, making sure no one could come in. A dry sob strangled its way past Riku's throat. He laid down on his bed and sobbed into his pillow, letting the tears soak into it, and letting his sobs echo through his room. He didn't care anymore. He had hurt his best friend. His 'best friend' for God's sake! Soon, the sobs and the tears ceased, encasing the room in total unbearable silence.

Riku sat up and pulled open his nightside drawer. When his hand came back into the moonlight, a small knife glistened in the pale moonlight. He rolled up his sleeves and selected a spot that already had multiple scars that were just barely healing. The steel blade kissed his skin and bit into it as he pushed harder. Blood rolled off his arm and down his wrist, sliding in between his fingers, where tears of crimson fell to the hardwood floor below.

A few more cuts on that wrist, a few more deeper cuts than that on the right. His room spun around him and as he fell into unconscious slumber, his last remaining thoughts were of Sora, his best friend, who he had slapped and cursed at that night.

When morning dawned, Riku sat up with a groan and reached his hand up to his face to cover his eyes and rub the sleepiness away. Last night came back to him after a few moments and he looked down in apathy at his cut up arms. The dried up rusty red still showed where the trails of blood had coursed their way down his arms. His floor and bed was covered in the impure substance and he glared at it before he stood up, stripped his sheets, and cleaned the floor with some cleaner that he had next to his bed. Then, taking a look at himself in the mirror, he stripped down and gathered the bloody clothes, before he wrapped all the cloth together and stuffed it in the farthest corner under his bed. As he glanced around his room one last time to make sure there was no blood anywhere, he stepped into his bathroom and got into the shower. The hot water poured down his back and over his chest. The scarlet rust soon came off with just a little soap. He sighed as he stepped out of the shower and walked into his room to find some clothes. When he found a suitable pair of pants and long sleeved shirt, he put them on quickly and padded out of his room, intent on going outside for a while.

He was highly surprised when he saw Sora sitting on the couch, staring up the stairs, waiting for him to come down all the way. Riku stood there with his hand on the rail, one foot on a lower step then his other, staring with wide eyes at his friend. Sora stood up and walked over to the stairway, stepping on the steps until he was right in front of Riku, the left foot on the step that Riku's right foot was. Riku could see a slight bruise over the spot that he had slapped, and he hated himself even more for that. As he was about to open his mouth to speak, Sora placed a finger over his lips to silence him before he grabbed Riku's shirt in his fists and slammed him against the wall. Riku was prepared for a punch or a kick or something but was shocked into speechlessness as Sora crushed his lips onto his own with a bruising force. He didn't even have any time for a reaction before Sora left his lips.

"Riku...I'm sorry about last night. It should have never happened. I shouldn't have yelled at you. But I did, and I'm sorry for that." Sora looked pleadingly into Riku's, causing Riku to come out of his daze. He barely heard what Sora said but he finally fitted it together. "Riku, please...forgive me."

All Riku could do was stare. Finally, the silver headed teen came out of his daze for the second time in the last five minutes. He lowered his head slightly and stared down at his socked feet. "Sora, it wasn't your fault. All you were trying to do was help me, and I'm sorry about slapping you last night. I went too far. I should have had a tighter hold on my emotions. I should have-"

"Riku! You have a right to show emotions too! And about the slap, I've been hit by you harder before!"

"But those were 'accidents', Sora! I 'meant' to hit you last night!" Riku didn't have time to say anything else as Sora's lips once again descended on his own. Sora's tongue lapped at his bottom lip and he hesitantly opened his mouth to allow Sora's tongue to explore his mouth. The brunet's hands trailed down Riku's waist and stopped on Riku's hips as Riku's arms wrapped around Sora's neck. The kiss became more passionate as the seconds or minutes passed by. Riku didn't know which one it was. He was so focused on Sora's warm lips that nothing mattered outside of the kiss.

When they finally pulled away, they were both left breathless. Sora stared into Riku's eyes with such a passion that he was sure that he would bust. But he didn't and for that, Riku was glad. Riku felt his face grow hot and he knew in an instant that he was blushing. Sora smiled at him.

"Riku, I love you. I know this may not be the best time to say it, but I wanted to say it anyway. I want you to know, Riku. I want you to understand that I didn't mean to hurt you and that I didn't mean to neglect you. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but if you could find it in your heart to forgive me..."

"Sora...I forgive you. Just please, could we stop talking about last night?"

Sora nodded and for a few minutes everything was quiet. Until Sora leaned up and brushed his lips over Riku's. 'Those lips are so intoxicating' Sora thought as he deepened the kiss. Riku kissed him back and ran his hands down the other's body until they rested on Sora's chest. Sora's hands stayed where they were on Riku's hips. Soon, Sora left Riku's lips and trailed wet kisses down his neck. Riku couldn't help but moan in delight. He was so happy that Sora loved him. Sora pushed Riku towards his room and he quickly got the idea. Breaking the kiss, they both stumbled into the room, where Sora pushed Riku down on the bed and settled on his stomach. The kiss returned to full fervor and both boys moaned from the passion of it.

Clothing was soon removed and Sora, in his lust filled senses, didn't notice the cuts that adorned Riku's pale arms and Riku, who was lost in the pleasures that Sora was giving him, didn't realize that his secret, was now out.


	3. Chapter 3

Ok last chapter! YaY! I bet you're all happy it's the last chapter, ne? Hee hee. Please R&R! hugs to all

Moonlight shined down upon the bodies that rested on the bed. Legs and arms were entertwined together and around each other, keeping each other safe and warm in the chilly night. The brunet stirred slightly in his sleep before his beautiful crystal eyes opened to the sight of his best friend/lover's innocent face that was illuminated in the pale light of the moon. He smiled in happiness and laid his head back down on the firm chest beneath his. Sora's eyes trailed up his lover's body and he just stared at his face. Sora's eyes caught sight of something and as he turned his face towards the arm on his beloved's pillow, the azure crystals widened in horror. Cuts. Many many cuts sliced across the skin. As he sat up slowly and cautiously, his breath quickened and his heart sped up. He reached over and brushed his fingers over the arm, and he could tell, some of these were recent. Done last night. His eyes watered up and as a tear down his cheek and off his chin, it fell onto Riku's neck below, causing him to stir and turn over. Sora would have smiled but this was not a situation to smile.

Frantic, Sora shook Riku's shoulder, trying to wake him up. Wanting him to confirm that this was indeed a dream. That Riku hadn't come home last night and cut himself. No! Sora shook his head in denial and shook harder. A sea green eye opened in grogginess to give a sleep ridden glare to the one who was shaking him. Noticing how shook up his lover was, his eyes lost all sleepiness and he sat up in concern. What was the matter? He looked as if he had seen a ghost or something! I mean, seriously, what could have freaked him out so much? As he was about to question, Sora interrupted.

"Riku...why?" His voice sounded distressed. Riku wondered harder.

He raised an eyebrow in confusion, "Sora, what do you mean? What are you talking about?"

The boy in question glared and grabbed the silver haired boy's wrist and brought it infront of his face. "This is what I'm talking about! Why have you been doing this, Riku?!"

Sea green eyes widened in shock. He pulled his wrist away from the brunet's grip and hid them in the covers, staring at Sora with a sad and guilty expression mixed in his eyes.

"Sora, I...Its nothing..." He looked to the side, not able to bear the raw expression of pain and hurt in Sora's tear veiled eyes. Sora's hand grabbed his chin and he was, once again, forced to look into those eyes.

"Riku, please, tell me. I want to know why so many scars adorn your wrists. I want to know why you did it. Please, tell me."

The silver haired teen sighed a heavy sigh and pulled the covers closer to himself, as if now subconscious of how he looked. Sora took this moment of silence to roam his eyes over Riku's chest and abdomen, noticing for the first time how small he looked. He looked so pitiful just sitting there, looking as if he was a whipped dog that was about to get beaten again. Sora wanted to know why he looked like this. Was he not eating? Who had hurt him so much that he looked so defeated? With a sudden horrifying realization, Sora understood that, the one who had hurt him and made him look so broken, was him himself. Without knowing, he had caused so much pain and suffering to the one he loved without even being conscious to the fact of it. That made him sick. So intense was this emotional sickness that he wished to die. His head bowed in shame. He had afflicted so much agony upon his friend. How could he? Riku had been his friend and how did he repay him? A regretful whimper shoved its way past Sora's parted lips, slicing through the air like a knife.

Riku, upon hearing the distressed noise, looked up quickly, worry etched in his eyes. This only made Sora sob harder. His arms wrapped themselves around his own body, which was shaking and trembling under the emotional stress. How could Riku look at him like that when he had done so much worse over a longer period of time?! It made absolutely no God damn sense! Why? ...Why?

"Sora! What's wrong?"

Before Riku could touch him he heard a faint whisper. It was so quiet he barely heard it but he did and it made him confused.

"What are you sorry for, Sora? You're not making any sense!"

The brown headed teen looked up at him with tear streaked eyes. "I'm sorry, Riku! I didn't know! If I had've known I would have done something! I'm so dense and thick! My own best friend! And I didn't even take the time to see! GOD!!! I'M SO SORRY!!" The sobs got louder and Riku, in his own panicked state, drew the sobbing teen in his arms and held him tight, rubbing circles on his back hastily, trying desperately to get his friend to stop crying. It was so hard! Everything he did made him sob harder! Now Riku was crying out of distress.

Neither of the teens knew when they had fallen asleep but they were equally glad that last night was over. Sora was quiet as they got dressed, but then again, so was Riku. You could slice the air with a knife, it was so tense. Riku cleared his throat and turned around to face Sora. Sora blinked his beautiful blue eyes up at Riku, nearly making the silver haired teen choke on what he was about to say. He sighed and turned his head away from the innocent azure orbs, slowly getting his resolve together.

"Sora...I'm...I'm sorry about last night. I should have at least told you or something...that way it would have been easier...easier on both of us." Riku paused and ran a hand through his silver hair. "I didn't know that you would react that way. I thought...well...I don't know what I thought. Or what I was thinking. I've just gone crazy I suppose." He looked back at Sora now, guilt in his eyes."I thought that you didn't care about me anymore because every time I turned around, you were with Kairi. Even when we were together, it was never for long because you went off to go see her. That's why I was so down the other day. Because I knew, just knew, that you only had eyes for her. And I knew you could never love me the way that I did you. You were so perfect, so nieve, so like an angel that you would be damned to hell with me. And I didn't want that to happen. Because I loved you too much...it was just difficult to deal with, you know? Knowing that the one that you loved would and could find happiness in another. Knowing that they would be happy together no matter what. That's why I cut myself. Because I felt so dirty. So dirty for loving you. Another boy." Riku wrapped his arms around himself. "And I thought that the pain on my wrists could dull the pain in my heart. It hurt so much. But the night before last, I felt so horrible for hitting you. So bad for yelling at you. And the names that I called you. The things that I said...I cut myself out of guilt. And hatred of myself. Now I have tainted you, Sora. I had wanted it for so long and I wasn't thinking. I should have told you to stop. Because now..." Tears fell from his eyes as he stared at the one who he loved so much. "You're going to hell with me." Riku fell to his knees sobbing, head bowed down, the tears glistening as they fell to the ground below.

Sora ran over to Riku and held him in his arms. "Riku...I don't care if I'm going to heaven or hell or wherever. I don't care. As long as I'm with you. That is all that matters." Riku continued sobbing into his chest. "I never liked Kairi that way, it was just that, she liked me and I didn't want her to think that I hated her because of that. I never thought about how you would feel. I never knew that you would cut yourself because of it. But Riku," Sora pulled Riku's tear stained face in front of his and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. "Who ever said that love was sinful? Who ever said that it was dirty? We're not going to hell because we love each other. So feeling guilty because you love me is crazy. I don't want to hear another word about the other night. We both screwed up so why remember it? I love you, Riku." Sora then leaned down and gently placed his lips to Riku's. Riku sniffled into the kiss and sighed a shaky sigh before he responded to the kiss.

The kiss was slow and magical, perfect in every way. And Riku knew that this kiss, this moment, and last night will be imprinted in his memory, until the day he dies and forever after that because Sora will always be beside him, reminding him of it all over again.


End file.
